She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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