sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
