wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
