It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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