i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
These tits shall not be calmed
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
