I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize