i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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