My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If I die, sorry about rent.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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