I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
