I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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