Is it because I queefed?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize