Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize