Banned from zoo.
Again?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
