i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
