i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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