Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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