I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Randomize
