Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
