Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
