I am puke
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
