I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
