if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
