feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
