I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize