At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
