My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
