I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
there is glitter all over my balls
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize