if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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