Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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