Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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