I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
