youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
