i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
