Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
