Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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