Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
