My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
