barbara walters just said penis...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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