he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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