she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
