Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
