don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
