I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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