Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
