I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
whose parrot is this?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
