I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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