shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize