So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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