Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
