So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize