I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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