Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
