Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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