ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
