You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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