I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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