i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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