Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Randomize