why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
