and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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