I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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