I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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