I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize