I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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