Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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