What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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