I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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