I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
