He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
