I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
