dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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