she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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