You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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