Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
